On Not Picking Up the Phone
Reflections on friendship, connection, and feeling isolated in a connected world.
It makes me sad when my friends don't pick up the phone. I understand when they don't, as I can't always pick up either, but it makes me sad when they don't call me back. And I understand somewhat, because I'm not always great at calling back either. But, it's gone a little farther past that.
I've always been a sort of fake nerd. I enjoy reading, poetry, science, etc, and more importantly I'm naturally very gifted at those pursuits, but they've always had about an even weight against my social pursuits. But, what I'm seeing today is a world without worthwhile social pursuits, at least for myself. I'm not certain if it's a matter of my age or a matter of the world changing, but I feel like people used to pick up when I called, and if they didn't, that I could expect a call back.
It seems my only real option is to become more genuinely invested in the deeper aspects of life. Not just professionally, but also socially. I'm giving up on my "friends". What's the point of a friend who doesn't call back?
The problem is, what now? I've always been working on eventually getting wealthy enough to support my family and friends, and then strangers, and not just financially but medically, in a way that paves the way forward for future generations, and myself. Now, I can't find a good motivation. What's the point of paving the way for a future without friends?
Or, maybe I just need some new friends. Maybe the people in my life have passively abandoned me as a friend, without the grit to really look at me and divorce their lives from me with closure. Should I divorce? Or am I going through a phase? What's the point of formally divorcing other than to give someone a chance to change the state of things? Otherwise, why not just leave? It's not like we're married.
It's probably a mistake to verbally divorce, and burn a bridge, and maybe this is the very conversation they've had, and now I'm isolated, the last to the unspoken divorce party, so to speak, realizing the horrible truth of it all. Or, maybe I'm out of touch. I do feel a little out of touch, but who doesn't?